DROP THE MANUAL
I want to tell you about a brand new course I just created Mental Training for Caches of Athletes. It goes through short, quick videos to help coaches and parents of athletes know how to help the athletes become mentally tough and masters of their minds and emotions. I teach the exact process of getting those goals that will get the full-ride scholarships. If you want more information, just go to fac.com to sign up for a 1;1 session and we will see if the course is a good fit for you.
So, what would a perfect day with your sport look like? What would you think about your sport, coaches, teammates, judges, refs, fans, parents?? Are those thoughts available now? What do you want to think about all of those people involved in your sport?
Did you know that you get to choose your experience of how you want to feel around other people and the easiest way to do this is if you don’t have expectations of those other people involved in your sport.
If you struggle having expectations that are not often met, and you feel terrible about it, then you are probably struggling with something called the Manual.
The manual is simply expectations we have on others so we can feel better. So, what does this means.
Most of us have operation manuals for how we want other people to behave. They are very specific, very detailed, and usually unspoken so other people don’t even know when they are breaking or complying with your rules..
It’s a “book” of rules and expectations of what others should do so that we can feel better.
Those expectations that we think are normal, kind, and acceptable behavior for someone else in their interactions with us. And it’s created so we can feel better. The goal in every relationship is to drop your manuals.
When you think someone has to do or say or be a certain way in order fo you to feel good about you, then you are left with a lot of potential disappointment and unnecessary pain– all self-inflicted.
When you choose to drop the manual, everything changes.
What is left is this: You are an individual human. Everyone else gets to decide who they are. You get to decide what you want to think and feel about it.
If you want positive relationships, you will choose to think positive thoughts.
Even when other people make choices that you don’t want to like. You still have the option to think whatever you want– which WILL always create your life experience.
You get to decide who you want to be.
And everyone else gets to do the same.
When we don’t try to take care of everyone else being happy or not sad, but instead take care of our own needs and just enjoy being at our sport or on the team, then we really can enjoy the relationships with others. Its takes a lot of self- responsibility to take care of yourself!
I hear athletes tell me, I just don’t want my coach to be mad, or I don’t want to let my teammates down, or I don’t want to be in trouble with my parents.
Knowing that we have manuals, and then dropping these manuals, is the best first step in any relationship where you might be having friction or tension. Here are some sentences that show possible manuals that some athletes have recently told me they are thinking:
￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼Coach should not yell at me on the field.
Coach should put me in the game.
Coach should give me a chance.
Coach should have spotted me better.
Coach should know I’m trying my hardest.
My teammates should be more supportive.
My teammates should be kinder.
My teammates should invite me to hang out too.
My teammates should listen to me for as long as I listened to them.
My family shouldn’t expect so much of me.
My family should support me.
My family should be “emotionally available.”
NOTE: Whenever you think the phrase, “they should or shouldn’t do something” then you can be sure you are opening up your mental manual and working to find the section and rule that their actions and words are falling under so you can feel justified that they are doing something wrong– against your manual that is only private for your mind,.
So, watch for the thoughts, “they should” or “shouldn’t.” Challenge those thoughts. Why should they? What am I making their choices mean about me? So what if they want to do something you don’t agree with, how does that prevent you from feeling whatever you want?
Okay, hope you can now be very clear on what a manual is and realize that this is not something that is easy to apply immediately– most people have manuals on everyone around them. But, when you become aware of your manual, and start dropping them, then things will change for you- you will feel so much control and power in your life to create whatever relationship you want.
If you need help with rough coaches, terrible teammates, or annoying fans, then schedule a free coaching session at flippinawesomecoahcing.com
Have a Flippin’ Awesome day!
Pro Athlete Coach